Book Talk: Practical tips on how to Talk to Children (and adults) about Books

We live in an age of extraordinary communication but increasingly poor conversation. Social media rewards the instant reaction, the sharp put-down and the confidently expressed opinion. Political debate often seems to have abandoned the business of careful argument in favour of bluster, distortion and outright dishonesty. Meanwhile, artificial intelligence can produce fluent answers in seconds, but fluency and thoughtfulness are not quite the same thing.

There are signs that some young people are finding it harder to express themselves with confidence, particularly when a conversation demands more than a quick message or online response. A 2025 National Literacy Trust survey of more than 105,000 children and young people aged 8 to 18 found that while four in five felt confident listening to others, fewer than half felt confident expressing their own feelings. Only 48% felt confident speaking up in class, and fewer than half felt good about giving a presentation. Employers, too, have reported concerns about some young applicants’ confidence in everyday workplace interactions, from speaking to customers to answering the phone. 

This matters. The ability to express an idea, listen to another point of view, question what we’re told and disagree intelligently matters. These skills need to be practised as they don't magically appear when we reach adulthood. And talking about books is a surprisingly good place to start practising.

Discussion about books is, of course, a valuable activity in its own right. It takes us beyond the simple business of deciding whether we liked a story and encourages us to explore why we responded as we did, consider other interpretations, make connections and articulate ideas that may not yet be fully formed. It teaches us to listen as well as speak, and to recognise that someone else’s reading of a story can be just as interesting as our own.

But these are not just literary skills. They are rehearsal for the conversations we need to have about everything else: with friends, colleagues, family and people with whom we profoundly disagree. If we want children to grow into thoughtful, articulate adults who can engage with the world rather than simply react to it, helping them talk about books is a very good place to begin.

So how do we get children talking about what they read?

The Three Sharings

The educationalist Aidan Chambers offers a wonderfully straightforward starting point. He suggests that conversations about books can begin with sharing three things: enthusiasms, puzzles and connections.

The first is the easiest. What did you like? What didn’t you like? Was there a character you particularly enjoyed, a moment that made you laugh, a passage that stayed with you? Enthusiasm doesn’t have to mean unqualified praise. Irritation, disappointment and dislike are just as interesting. A child who announces that they hated the ending has given you somewhere to begin.

Then there are the puzzles. Was anything confusing, surprising or difficult to understand? Was there something a character did that didn’t make sense? Did the ending leave a question unanswered? These are not problems to be corrected or gaps in a child’s comprehension. They are invitations to think a little harder or critique the writing.

Finally, there are connections. Did the story remind you of another book, a film, a person or something that has happened in real life? Did a character behave like someone you know? Did a particular scene make you think differently about something?

The beauty of Chambers’s approach is that it doesn’t require a child to produce a sophisticated literary analysis. It starts with their actual experience of reading. And, importantly, it gives them permission to have a response that is different from yours.

One of the easiest mistakes adults make is to assume that, because we have read more books and know more about literature, we should lead the discussion. We ask the questions, supply the context, explain the symbolism and, if necessary, gently steer the child towards the interpretation we think they ought to arrive at.

But book talk works rather differently. Think less sage on the stage and more guide on the side. The aim isn’t to deliver an interpretation; it’s to help a young reader develop their own.

Ban any question starting with ‘Why’

This means asking open questions and being genuinely interested in the answers. Chambers favours prompts such as ‘Tell me…’ because they invite a response without implying that there is a correct one, rather than starting a question with ‘Why..?”, which he refers to as to as a ‘conversational glottal stop’. It sounds too examinational, and it’s a catch-all question, too big to answer all at once. It can be overwhelming in its enormity.

‘Tell me what you thought about the ending.’

‘Tell me about the character you found most interesting.’

‘Tell me what you made of that.’

 ‘Tell me’ is more generous. It gives the child room to explain, elaborate or change direction. It’s also much harder for a child to resist answering. They can’t just shrug and say, ‘I don’t know’.

But it also means resisting the temptation to fill every silence.

The art of waiting

Children don’t always answer immediately. Sometimes they need to find the words; sometimes they are still working out what they think. Sometimes they’re still thinking about the last conversation point. Adults, however, are notoriously uncomfortable with silence. We ask a question, wait for half a second, then rephrase it, offer a clue, suggest an answer or answer it ourselves.

Teachers call this wait time: the pause a teacher gives after asking a question before speaking again. Research by the educationalist Mary Budd Rowe found that teachers typically waited less than a second, and that extending the pause to around three seconds or more was associated with more considered responses and greater participation.

The principle is just as useful at home. Ask a question and count slowly to five in your head. If the question is more demanding, give it longer. Five seconds can feel surprisingly uncomfortable when you’re used to filling the space, but a child may need that time to assemble an idea.

Try not to mistake a pause for an absence of thought. Sometimes the most interesting answer is the one that takes a little longer to arrive.

Ponder

You can also offer your own response, without presenting it as the answer. ‘I wasn’t sure I liked the way she treated her brother. I wonder if she was being unkind, or if there was something else going on?’

This is what I think of as the pondering adult. Rather than standing over a child with a list of questions, you think aloud. You show that uncertainty is perfectly acceptable, that a book can leave you puzzled and that not every question has an immediate answer.

And don’t underestimate children. Their first response may be brief, muddled or apparently off the point, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t an interesting thought underneath it. Give them the time and encouragement to unpack it.

Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is repeat back what you think they are trying to say, but in slightly more articulate language.

Imagine a child says: ‘I didn’t like him. He was horrible to everyone. But I think he was sad.’

You might respond: ‘So you found him quite unlikeable because of the way he treated people, but you also wondered whether his behaviour came from being unhappy?’

You haven’t corrected the child or put words in their mouth. You’ve taken their observation seriously and given it a little more shape. They can agree, disagree or take the thought somewhere else. Either way, the conversation has moved forward.

Of course, all this talk of conversation begs an important question: what are we reading in the first place? Because it helps to have something worth talking about. A beautifully told story, an intriguing character or an unexpected plot twist gives us plenty to get our teeth into. Choosing good books matters. Children deserve stories that stretch their imaginations, introduce them to unfamiliar worlds and give them something to think about. Everything starts there.

The StoryBox Co. carefully curated book lists are a good place to start finding stories that deserve to be talked about. Because a good book doesn’t just give a child something to read. It gives you something to talk about — and that’s where the fun really begins.

Further Reading:

Chambers, A. (2011). Tell Me: Children, Reading & Talk with The Reading Environment. Stroud: Thimble Press.